I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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