I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
