Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
