I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
