somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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