oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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