I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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