How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
