as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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