Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
