I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you had me at cake vodka
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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