i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
