the condom got lost in my hair
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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