He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you had me at cake vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
