Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
