Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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