You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my poor anus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
