Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
