My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
