...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
