We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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