I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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