He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
