There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
