someone get that fucking seahorse.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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