omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
