Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
