WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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