He felt like a one man threesome
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
