is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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