ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just had sex bonerless
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
