OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
