sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
