Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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