worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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