Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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