in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
