wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
