I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still dying that you shit outside
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
