Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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