Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
