That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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