I puked a lego.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
