Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
