Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
