The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
