at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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