My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
