i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
