Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
