i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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