It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
