i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
